After almost two years of working in your underwear and swearing in a judgement free environment, many workers are experiencing what is called “back to the office disorder”, neuropsychologist Albert Goldberg from the University of Guam explains the issue; “it’s a type of PTSD, since experience is akin to being redeployed in a unfriendly environment after being away for so long”. In our conversation, he mentions having prescribed medication to many patients in order to help them cope.
While this “return to the office” is an imminent reality, I wrote a quick guide to help us retrain our thoughts and language in order to better fit a professional work environment, that so many of us have grown unaccustomed to.
Below is a quick guide we have put together here at the office, use freely 🙂
| Instead of: | You don’t have a f***ing clue, do you? | Try: | I think you could do with more training |
| Instead of: | She’s a f***ing power-crazy bitch | Try: | She’s an aggressive go-getter |
| Instead of: | and when the f*** do you expect me to do this? | Try: | Perhaps I can work late |
| Instead of: | f*** off a**hole | Try: | I’m certain that isn’t feasible / I will get back to you |
| Instead of: | Well, f*** me backwards with a lamp post | Try: | Really? |
| Instead of: | Tell someone who gives a f*** | Try: | Perhaps you should check with… |
| Instead of: | Not my f***ing problem, mate. | Try: | I wasn’t involved in the project. |
| Instead of: | What the f***? | Try: | That’s interesting. |
| Instead of: | No f***ing chance mate. | Try: | I’m not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale. |
| Instead of: | Why the f*** didn’t you tell me that yesteday? | Try: | It will be tight, but I’ll try to schedule it in |
| Instead of: | He’s got his head up his f***ing a**. | Try: | He’s not familiar with the issue. |
| Instead of: | Oi, f***face. | Try: | Excuse me, sir? |
| Instead of: | Yeah, who needs f***ing holidays anyway. | Try: | Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway. |
| Instead of: | f*** you. | Try: | I will have to get back to you on that. |
